Foggy Morning

Yesterday evening, I determined that the best word to describe yesterday was disturbing.  Starting with looking at pictures of my siblings on Facebook.  Then having tooth problems, the kind of which I’ve had nightmares about since I was in my early twenties.  (I managed to handle it with good humor, but the toll of that handling in the moment was that I was emotionally exhausted and sort of shocked and freaked out by the end of the day.)  Then totally in passing, my sister told me my father is having his second of three surgeries today (spaced out over like a year and a half).

I feel just totally used up sometimes.

I’ve been finishing up the quarter, totally behind in everything.  I’m burnt out on academic life and ready for a break (at the same time that most of the academic world is rested and back at it — grrr).  I was supposed to be radically revising a book chapter for an edited collection, but since I taught straight through I just couldn’t manage their tight deadline — or even a month after that.  So on Friday I finally let that go after about a month of indecision.  My partner, who I’m toying with calling Lionel after the somewhat curmudgeonly but wonderful lead in my favorite show, As Time Goes By, put it well when he said I’m too busy (or did he say old?) to be doing anything I’m not really excited by.  I concur.  (It was a stretch field-wise, and so might not count as a full publication — in fact, I always assumed it wouldn’t be — and probably was not worth it in terms of the work outlay.  I can always revise it and send it to a journal in my field, though right now I don’t care about tenure requirements at all.)

I’ve been working on a Big Activist Project (BAP) that requires participation from others.  Though I’ve been looking forward to being done with the quarter so I can really rev up on it and work on getting other people involved, I’m now considering hanging it up.  It’s a big project, so there’s no question that I cannot do it on my own.  I believe in it and have nearly quit before because of the lack of a team of people working on it, but then got all fired up again.  But it’s one of those things that is an important positive step fueled by a lot of really negative and scary information.  So in a way, it feels negative and focuses me on negative aspects of society (which are legion in my opinion).  Focusing on the garden and planting my peas and carrots (in containers, but I still haven’t gotten to that) and working on reducing our expenses:  that feels positive.  It also feels like even thinking about it and other aspects of homesteading is this special place away from all the work of our family (though it is for our family) and all the disturbing things and the angst and low-morale of work.  The plants do not care about my worries.  They’re worried about how much sun and water they get.

Speaking of the garden, I’ve begun to pay closer attention to the weather.  A few days ago, we had two frost warnings.  One night, I put a makeshift row cover (an unneeded shower curtain) over most of it.  The other I didn’t.  The plants are all cold-tolerant varieties anyway.  I don’t think it actually frosted though because my two heirloom tomatoes didn’t seem like they were dying in their pots any more than usual.  But the farmer at my CSA wrote to us that they had two frosty nights over where they are.  This week will be the last week of tomatoes and eggplants.

Yesterday, we had a downpour of rain starting before the sun came up and continuing on (off and on, I’d guess) until the late afternoon when Active and I got home.  When I checked on the garden bed, it looked very green.  The arugulas are doing well, but now the other little seedlings are coming up too, though not as prolifically as the arugula (which is just fine, because we love arugula).

This morning is very foggy.  Today’s got to be a better day.


One response to this post.

  1. Oh my gosh, I love As Time Goes By; “Lionel” is a great blog name for AL! (Well, assuming it fits his personality, I mean.)

    Good luck in sorting out what you want to give your energies and focus to — that’s an important question.


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